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i've already gotten back three out of my five papers

i totalled my physics paper.

i'm a lil bummed i didn't meet expectations in my gp though. and my gp teacher is expecting more. which is a lil irritating and nice-ish at the same time. gp is the only subject i take half pride in. and i did make a resolution to top my class in gp.

i did pretty well for my summary. and im getting better in the aq section. must put in more effort and interest during lessons.

hhmm. quite a perk actually.

malay came as a total shock. she arranged the papers starting with the highest scores. i cursed at that.

i told myself i'd absolutely die if my name got called out like somewhere in the end or something.

but for an hour's worth of shit for paper2 and sleeping halfway during paper1? im truly amazed at myself.

i went to the moon and back.


i have yet to tell mom. i feel like dirt. but my friends keep me so amused. i'm not hiding anything. i am pretty much still very shaken. but i've given up everything on a silver plate so there's no need to cry anymore. or so i think. gaah! i'm going along and playing this game just fine. just like i used to play command and conquer.
but its hard to ignore all the gatalness.

so here i am again wallowing like i love to do. im kinda happy but not enough. there's still the A level subjects to think about. i know im screwed and im not gonna let that happen. im not a failure like...opps! >:)



i've nothing to prove with these results and im too worried, fucked up, upset and miserable to share it face to face with the people who 'care'.



'the best thing about suicide
is that its not something you have to do now
or you'll never get the chance.
i mean, you can always do it later...'



never beef JERKy!