love

as i sit down in class and stare at the blank pink and purple walls
supporting my head on the plam of my hand
wishing and hoping that the teacher would stop yakking
i realise that the world is not getting any younger
and my teenage years are gonna end in a few years time


thus, i wanna be in like/lust/infatuation
definitely definitely not love
juz coz im too young to know what it is and what it really means
but, that aside...
i do i do i do i do
wanna be in like/lust/infatuation
yes.


but im not gonna make do with any tom dick or harry that comes around
or should i?
considering my "popularity"?
gawd.
even the people who i think weren't pretty are pretty
erm...wadeverrr~
sheesh
maybe i might scrape the idea of me saying goodbye to guys
maybe girls are just meant to be girls
still get mood swings
still get menstration
still have wadever i have


-


words laced with sugary sweetness
or swathed in silk and perfume
i cannot deliver
yet in all my simplicity
lies an array of paradoxial thoughts
and meaningless memories


never once have i had a fleeting feeling
of like and love
and of hurt and rejection
thousands of tears have i shed
while looking at my reflection
and wallowing in my self condemnation


preening and pushing
and tugging and pulling
at all the loose bits and pieces
of my life and body
trying to make do with what i have
while accepting the fact that i can never be
what i wanna be
or yearn to be
not in the silver screens
not even in photoshop edited images


putting on a pile of make up
covering up my flaws and mistakes
will not make me much more of a woman
nor will it up my confidence
coz deep down i know
that i will always be
that pimpled face fatty cake sore thumb of the crowd