well

Have you ever held back your words despite all the cryings and shoutings in your head telling you to lash out at that person?
Yet, even when you know you have the right to do so, you know that you are never gonna win the arguement because what you have are just dreams?
And albeit all the hopes and fears that are shrouding your road to success, you wanna have a taste of all your sweat, tears and ignorance to the discrimination that people have against you.


Many a times have I plotted revenge against a person. Nevertheless, I know its wrong. Is revenge sweet? Or will it just lead to something that you will regret for the rest of your life? Making you unable to look at that person in the eye knowing for a fact that you have made him/her miserable.


I may bad-mouthed you. I may have told you things that you might not want to hear. But have you ever thought about the things that you have said to my face without, I hope, thinking? I hurts like a chainsaw. It makes me feel horribly pathetic. It makes me feel as though all my planning for my future was just a childish dream.


"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great, make you feel that you too can become great."
-Mark Twain


It was only when I came across this quote that I realise what kind of a person you are. You did not support my decision. In fact you made me feel like a fool for want to be what I hoped to be one day. I feel guilty that I have to stoop so low and shoot blindly, but even though you never said anything about my dreams, your body language tells it all. The way you phrased your words, the way you looked at me like I was some kind of diesease.


I never meant to say those things. Words over the internet doesn't have the same effect as it does in real life. The body language is missing and I have constantly given people the wrong impression. Same goes for the person "talking" to me. Have you ever thought of the result of the things you type? To you it may be as innocent as a "Haha", but to another, a whole different thing.


Who defines what is good or bad? There is always a shade of grey. And point to note, I'm a counter. Mengira/Pengira. I am that. Who cares? But at times there are things that I know I should let slide. Support was what I gave you when you thought that everyone turned their backs on you, even when they were not. I mean, did you even think about what you said? I know I shouldn't have reacted that way but did it even occur to you to track back? Signals are mixed over the net. That doesn't mean that you can just make a flippant remark like that. But maybe, just maybe, it's true. And maybe, just maybe too, what people have said to you might be viewed by me as a point.


I have my own ways to deal with the cold, cruel world. Thank you, but no, putting me down and making me feel bad is not a way to make me sit up and realise that I need to be stronger. All of us, being human, have our fears. One size does not fit all. We all have to learn. Kids realise that they should not jump from high places when they fall, hurt themselves and receive a scab as a painful reminder. Just like kids, things make a bigger impact on us when we deal with it ourselves. Leave me to do my own thing and let me lead life the way I choose to lead it.


I don't care to type anymore. I think its of no point. You might have been disappointed by me, but I have no care. I set out to do what I wanted to do and thus, I will sleep with a clear conscience. I do not regret saying the words I have said and if you find it insulting, maybe you should think about it long and hard.


If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
-Henry David Thoreau