i just cant believe that

I don't know what to say. I'm having a really crappy day. If you think you deserve a different smiley then...then...ARRRGHH~!!! I mean SERIOUSLY! I have never bitched in my blog. I try to avoid that. I don't want people to know of my real feelings. I don't want to let people in on my life. Yet I have a blog to let absolute strangers know of how i think how i feel how i work. How fcuking ironic. I messed up on that last entry. Thus, after this entry, i will correct it. Please, don't go all "Res I thought you and me were a this or a that or a wadever", giving me the message that i made you angry. I can't read body language over the Net. And no, i don't have the ability to read your mind either. I will bite back my tongue on what i want to say. But don't push me. Then again...NEVERMIND.

I'm not trying to pick a fight here. I just don't like getting mixed signals or wadever. I'm a mess as it is already. I have many pent up emotions consisting of mostly frustrations in me so please, I would not like to hurt you by any means. Be it by harsh comments or by physical hurt. Both of which I have never done much of or done by full force because its mean. I'm still biting my tongue. I need to get rid of all the frustrations in me yet I don't know how. So to put a light on things, I would like to say that all in all when I met up with my Primary school friends, I was terrified out of my wits. I know these people but until hell freezes over, I would not find any topic to talk to them about. I will take down the smileys and the stupid awards thing. Big "Hooray" for those who have read it though.

I don't want to "burden" people with my problems. But.

I find it hard to accept positive comments. Weird eh? I keep thinking that people are obliged to give me comments so as to ensure that i don't abuse myself. I keep expecting more from myself.

I'm pressured by parents who want me to go to top spots and they know that although I can make it they REFUSE to accept the fact that I need coaching. They know that this and that is to me, difficult, nevertheless they act as if I'm fine. I'm irritated by the fact that my mother constantly glorifies me even when my results is total crap. It ticks me off that my parents never give me credits when I get good results or when I pass A Maths due to extra help. My parents keep comparing me and they think that everybody else's child is of course better than me. They, in addition to that, don't choose the right people to compare me to. They, for heaven's sakes, think that my best subject is the subject that I hate most.

I trust people a lot but i don't people trust me a whole lot because I'm playful and I like to make a fool of myself and I like to just have fun.

I find it positively irritating at times that my face looks like so much of a snob when I think that although I do have a temper, I can get along well with people. Though many might think otherwise.

I find it unbearable that my friends are sometimes afraid of me when I'm quiet because they think I'm angry. Sometimes I'm just tired. Or I feel like being quiet.

I hate it when people keep asking me "Are you ok?" although I know its due to concern.

There's so much more but its just too pathetic to let psychos read about my life.