...:: o H M a N ::...

oh my gosh...
today is the day of my o level mother tongue paper...
was tossing and turning the night before...
so anxious...
and you know what?
i think i have just ruined my future...
i choose today of all the days of the year ot try my hand at argumentative...
how STUPID of me...
i spent too much time on my letter...
and i neglected my essay...
if i were to be give loose papers i would have done the essay 1st i think...
what the hell...
so now here i am worrying about how my result are gonna turn out...
but at that moment of time i thought that it was sensible for me to do the argument...
i thought that if i were to do the narrative i would be wasting
a lot of time thinking of what to write...
what am i to do...
my argument was
shallow
weak
and
beated around the bush...
till the bush was practically beaten dead...!
im so worried...
but i don't feel a thing...
i don't understand why
these past few weeks...
i can't feel scared
or nervous
or really really happy...
im so emotionless...
anyway back to my paper...
i don't wanna take the paper again...
why can't i be good in both mly and english?
i hate myself...
i mentally abuse myself...
why oh why?
thank god the next paper was not as bad as the mid years...
in fact it was quite simple...
pretty straight forward...
i dunno...
saying all this...
i would probably do badly...
haix...
noone reads someone else's blog so...
what the heck...
comfort cannot be found...
i so suck...
i am gonna end up with a B4...
4 points...
just.
like.
that.
snap...
*mentally breaking*...
yurgh...
im not gonna land into a jc...
hajat hati mahu memeluk gunung...
apakan daya...
tangan tidak menyampai...
just something i picked up this morning...
i hope to do a narrative...
and i remembered all these nice sentences...
stupid...
hatiku membara...
the topic was kinda crap anyway...
shite...
i have no feelings now...
shite,shite,shite...
why cry over split milk?
when you know that effort has not been put in to carry the bottle carefully...
i could end up with a B3...
if i score well for paper 2...
i so suck...
i want an A2...
yeah rite...
what i wrote wasn't even A2...
no C5 material...
language wise it was simple...
too simple in fact...
i so suck...
i can dream and dream...
hope and hope...
but it won't do any good...
i can only hope to get an A1 for english...
so that my marks can balance out...
say a B3 for mt(dreaming here)...
and a A1 for english...
not so bad...
if i get a B4...
should i retake the paper?
would that be a foolish decision?
but it would be me...
okay...
if i get a B4...
i wanna get an A1 for BOTH e maths
and english...
english is my only hope...
oh...
and maybe biology...
arul better make things interesting...
oh oh...
and i better do freaking well for my prelims...
so that i can get away with 2 points...
yeah yeah...
i wanna get to sajc...
but...
WAIT!!!!!!!!
a thought just struck me...
this is only the beginning
there is still the orals
and the listening...
so i tentatively say...
sajc here i come...
worse comes to worse...
jjc?
its nearer to home...
and not so christian-y(sorry...mite sound racist here)...
i BETTER do well...
i don't wanna end up a loser...
who can't even pass the ORDINARY levels...
freak...
btw im a procrastinator...
i suck...